Rite of Passage

This post was written Tuesday 9/16/08 one day before Adelaide was born.


So, I just learned that the big day is fast upon us. Rachel is going in two days from now to be induced if she doesn't do it on her own before then. Up to this point it's not been this real to me. Knowing that sometime Thursday (hopefully) I'll have a little girl to see and hold causes me to tear up in happiness. That joy is mingled with anxiety though, which is highly unusual for me. I'm not a worrier and I wouldn't even say I'm worried. I just can't believe that I don't just have parents anymore but that I'm actually going to be one.



Of course I've known since my teenage years that parents are imperfect but once I got a little older I was more impressed by them than disillusioned by them. Now I will be one and boy is parental imperfection more evident than ever. I'm the one that this girl will turn to? I need to be there for her? My wife is a very accomplished, intelligent, impressive woman who could do just fine without me if something happened so I have to admit to not being real concerned about taking care of her by taking care of myself. With a baby it's different. I realize I want to be there to see every moment of her life. I want to help her and save her from hardship. I want to be healthy so I can give her all the best in life and I want to make all the right decisions regarding her upbringing. But I can't and I know it.



When Rachel and I got married I recognized pretty fast the important role that God was playing in keeping us together. I couldn't be good enough to avoid disappointing her and myself all the time. If another person was going to count on me or I was going to count on a person to "make me whole" then I'd always be let down. Don't understand me to say that I'm unhappy. I'm thrilled that I'm married to Rachel and she impresses me more and more every day. The thing is, we both put our confidence in God working in each other to keep us growing together despite our mistakes. The same holds true for our little girl. I can't protect her from sin in the world. I can't make her life perfect. But I know perfection. I know where perfect love, perfect justice, perfect power and perfect joy come from. It's the last place that the world would look for it. Perfection is in the suffering of Jesus on the cross for the sake of the sins that I have and will commit. That kind of sacrificial love is so much more than I'll ever be able to give a wife or a child and I put my confidence in God's promise to make me more like Jesus through the power of His Holy Spirit. I'm not inclined to do this out of my own generous heart but rather as a result of His Spirit in me. I breath because he gives me breath and how much more do I thank Him for the love and grace He has given me.